Jacinda Ardern’s Conversations Editor
The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern sat down with the Woke Examiner to have a good natter about her latest achievements.
J.A.C.E: “Good evening Prime Minister, it is a wonderful privilege to be in your presence.”
J.A: “Why thank you, as head of the world’s most transparent government ever, I like to make time for the hard questions.”
J.A.C.E: “Your culinary expertise is legendary, did you give any advice to Clarke with his My Food Bag iconic fish and chips?“
J.A: “Well cakes are my thing but my early training was expertise in wrapping fish and chips so I was able to lend a hand there.”
J.A.C.E: “Recently it was revealed that you and Grant Robertson have major disagreements on policy”.
J.A: “I wouldn’t go that far – any minor quibbles are settled over a few drinks at the Jolly Gentleman’s Sausage Roll Parlour. His one bourbon, one scotch, one beer routine can go on till the wee small hours of the morning and by then I’ve forgotten what we were disagreeing on.
“Pretty much all of our policy is workshopped this way as well. It’s the progressive way.”
J.A.C.E: “The people are calling out for an explanation of He Puapua – the pathway to a tribal republic in 2040.”
J.A: “Before we go any further, let me point out it has just been announced that I have made The Guinness Book of Records with my 1,000 world-firsts before lunch for a female world leader.
“Admittedly Kim Jong Un beat me with his 100,000 world-firsts before breakfast – but he is a man and as we know that carries no weight in today’s world.”
J.A.C.E: “But Prime Minister, He Puapua.”
J.A: “If I can be allowed to finish, He Puapua was one of my world-first boxes that I ticked, so next question please.”
J.A.C.E: “What do you say to the critics that suggest you and Nanaia Mahuta are creating an apartheid separatist state?”
J.A: “Well, I thought I had covered that – whenever I talk to Nanaia she speaks to me only in Te Reo, so I wouldn’t have a clue what she is on about – her interpreter assures me it is only stuff important to Maori – y’know, the need for free hangis and compulsory poi dancing – that sort of thing, all harmless.
“So I can assure you there will not be a Maori parliament – not this week anyway”.
Woke Examiner Editor’s Note:
For those interested in Jacinda Ardern’s entry in The Guinness Book of Records: it can be found on page 108 between most clothes pegs clipped to the face and most canned drinks opened by a parrot in one minute.