I have to say, I’m a little disappointed: it’s hardly been the apocalypse I was led to expect.

For decades I’ve been told to accept it as a the most solemn scientific truth that we were on a short, steep slide into a hellish world of climate doom. “The settled science” has been unequivocal: by now, we should be living in a runaway greenhouse world: an ice-free, rainless desert marred by endless disaster and bitter wars over the few remaining resources.

So, where is it? Did I buy that Mad Max stainless-steel chain-mail posing pouch, all for nothing?

Now all the other barbarians will laugh at me. The BFD. Photoshop by Lushington Brady.

Here is news you will not hear on the ABC or in most classrooms in Australia, where global warming is a religion. The world is now cooler than it was, on average, at the end of last century. Yes, cooler. Not warmer, despite decades of scaremongering about a frying planet. Satellites from the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration have measured the world’s temperature since 1979. Since December, they’ve detected a sharp cooling, and in March recorded a global temperature 0.01 degrees below the average of the last decade of the 20th century.

Note: the NOAA temperature measurements, overseen by the University of Alabama in Huntsville, are arguably the most credible in the world.

God dammit, I live in Tasmania. I was looking forward to more than a few weeks of summer every year.

But this doesn’t mean we’re now in a period of global cooling after nearly 50 years of gentle warming.

Dr Roy Spencer, head of this UAH team, says the March temperature comes at the peak of the La Nina, an upwelling of cooler water in the oceans.

In fact, Australia hasn’t been this cool since August 2014.

Believers will argue that global warming will resume when we next get an El Nino, which brings warmer water. They’re probably right.

Of course they’re right. It gets hot when we enter an El Nino. The peak of global warming in 1998 coincided with an unusually strong El Nino. Since then, though, the climate has stubbornly refused to live up to its apocalyptic reputation. How dare you, indeed.

Spencer also says there is still an overall global warming trend since 1979 of 0.14C a decade.

Even so, that’s about half the warming trend predicted by the mathematical models relied on by the United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change that has been so central in driving the global warming panic[…]

But the temperature is one thing. We also have not seen the climate catastrophes we were told would be our frightening future.

Instead, we’ve had fewer cyclones, not more; more rain in Australia, not less; bigger grain crops, not smaller; shrinking deserts, not growing; and Pacific islands that are three times more likely to increase than shrink.

Herald-Sun

Well, that’s no good. I was promised an end-of-the-world! Instead all we’ve got is what looks suspiciously like normal climate variation.

I want my money back.

All $700 billion the world is spending every year on this phoney-baloney apocalypse.

I’m keeping the posing pouch, though.

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Punk rock philosopher. Liberalist contrarian. Grumpy old bastard. I grew up in a generational-Labor-voting family. I kept the faith long after the political left had abandoned it. In the last decade...