UN correspondent:
The UN has decided that Aotearoa will become a kindness rehabilitation centre for the world’s most unwanted criminals.
UN head António Guterres praised Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern for her willingness to welcome Australia’s violent criminals and bed them into society. Her diplomatic excellence in accepting all that has been thrown at her with only a concerned frowny face shows she is the right person for the job.
Her ability to manage her team of 5 million with soothing words and hugs all round has meant there has been hardly a word of protest.
Mr António Guterres went on to say the Great Reset made possible by the fortuitous pandemic ravaging countries everywhere meant that the world can be managed in a much more orderly way.
Aotearoa as an isolated collection of islands at the bottom of the world is ideally situated to become the world’s premium kindness and rehabilitation centre.
CNN correspondent:
In line with the UN announcement Donald Trump will be moving to Aotearoa.
He has been in secret negotiations with the Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Deputy Prime Minister Grant Robertson to move his hotel and real estate empire here.
He has done a deal and signed a contract to build thousands of luxury hotels and golf courses to house the expected hundreds of thousands of international criminals/terrorists/gang members.
Millions of hectares of land wastefully used for meat and dairy farming will be freed up to enable construction.
Farmers being moved off their land as part of The Great Reset is to be given the catchy title of: The Highland, Midland and Lowland Clearances.
TWA Grant Robertson Explainer editor:
Grant Robertson has clarified the claim that he was supposed to have made that The Great Reset was a conspiracy theory.
He was actually referring to a comment made earlier in the interview with Peter Willams that Jacinda Ardern was running the country.
Why should I have to put up with such right wing, white supremacist nonsense he said. Everyone knows the Maori Labour caucus runs the country.
He also said that The Great Reset was to be reset with a less ambitious goal. Heavy weight Megan Woods has been re-shuffled and put in charge of it.
She is at this very moment setting up a committee with a catering budget of $100m to report back some time before the next election.
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