“Dame EileenToomeyWright: Twitter refugee. Gay married conservative, 60+yo male from Australia. Parody, humour, socio-political commentary, cooking. My name is my politics. Say it out loud.”
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The year is 2041 and the Republic of Australia has just had VSGGD (Voluntary Secular Gift-Giving Day), formerly known as Christmas, but renamed so as not to offend non-Christians. Black ribbons and bunting adorn private houses and public buildings.
Fruit buns, formerly known as Hot Cross Buns, appear in the shops for the first time before the Annual Vegan Chocolate Giving Festival.
Out-going President of Australia, Eddie McGuire, has cancelled New Year’s Eve fireworks, since they might constitute joyfulness above Stolen Lands.
As legislated, the new year sees a change of President. This time an LGB representative, Rhys Nicholson. Next year: Indigenous. The year after: Asian, and so on.
The now enshrined Voice to Parliament has directed Parliament to declare Australia Day ‘Misery Day’. Awards are issued by the President: ‘Miserable Sod’ (MS); ‘Grumpy Guts’ (GG) and the top award, ‘Curmudgeonly C*nt’ (CC).
Misery Day annual marches occur nationwide with street marchers draped in the new Australian flag which is simply black. Dirges are played. Wailing and keening are popular. Public buildings lower all 1,173 mandatory representative flags to half-mast. Vegan BBQs help contribute to the mood.
The ABC, NITV and SBS now broadcast only programs that tell white Australians how racist they are. Public floggings for racist thoughts are broadcast live.
The Indigenous population has increased from 3% to 53% as people continue to discover their true identities.
Diversity Laws mean that males, females, Indigenous, Asian, African, LGBTIQDKRNV+ and the disabled must be represented proportionally in management, sporting teams, movies and so on, even if this means only portions of an individual: a hand in shot, for example. In mixed doubles tennis, a toenail is sufficient to represent blind Icelandic black lesbians.
Singing is banned, so, too, comedies, joke-telling and so on. Smiling is discouraged. Laughing is punishable by hard labour in a re-education camp.
The Ethnically Proportionately Representative Parliament is bringing in strict new laws to combat the New Ice Age. Sceptics and deniers are publicly flogged.
Bruce Pascoe continues to astound with discoveries that Indigenous Australians explored outer space 100,000 years ago.
Cryogenically preserved Bert and Patti Newton appear on ‘Sitting Quietly with the Stars’, formerly know as ‘Dancing with the Stars’. The top rating TV show is ‘Who wants to Self-flagellate on Air’.
And everyone lived happily ever after.
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