The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, speaking from her podium of truth, announced today that she has decided that herd community is the path Aotearoa will follow rather than the bothersome and problematic herd immunity.
“It is time for a reset,” she said. “Black lives matter, there’s institutional racism, unconscious bias, white privilege and white supremacy, colonialism, sexism, child, food and period poverty, wealth inequity – and general turpitude everywhere. I know it when I see it. Aotearoa is truly a disgusting, horrible place.
“Also, unfortunately, it has been shown lately, that some ethnic groups – the more diverse in our little country of diversity are incapable of the same giftedness-in-thinking as I, me, my humble self – so, as I am officially one of of the world’s greatest thinkers, it is best that I do all the thinking.
“To bed this in, I will establish a community of like minds. A community where everyone is agreeable, kind and thinking alike – truly transformable – a herd community – where everyone is thinking the same so no one has to think.
“To help implement this, sport as most people know it has to end. There is only room for one team in Aotearoa, as the Aussies have shown – mine.
“Sports teams or individuals opposing each other encourages negative behaviour – a sort of herd immunity to centralised thinking. That is why through lockdowns I am gradually ending all sport as you know it.
“My team of 5 million will, without exception, focus on an all-inclusive one-team-game invented by my good friend, Kim Jong Un, called the Mass-Games or ‘10,000 pixels’ – a synchronised performance done by 100,000 plus people in stadiums.
“Everyone participates, either dancing or holding up coloured cards – that create an image of me, your glorious leader. Fun will be had switching the cards, every second in some cases, and others holding up an image for 30 seconds to a minute. It is a very invigorating and satisfying experience.
“It will be done in every stadium throughout the country, all in synchronisation with each other and broadcast to the world. It is expected the television rights will be a real money-spinner.
“My World-leading, progressive, cultural reset borrows important truths from the philosopher of our age, Criss Jami – condescension is kindness, propaganda is knowledge, gossip is news and auto-tune is singing”.
“Herd community is the way forward. Be kind, let it happen”.
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