Prof Worzel
Now that we have hit the back straight in the run towards our general election it is with some relief that I announce that I will not be standing for re-election as president of the ‘Save the Spur Winged Plover Society‘.
This is primarily because there is absolutely no danger of the Spur Winged Plover not being saved. In fact, there are so many that they are becoming a pest. As the bird was never in danger in the first place, there is nothing more to be done except claim the whole endeavour as a resounding success. As the only member of the society, I can safely say that the group never quite garnered the tsunami of popular support required to effect any real positive social change. I attribute this to its very forgettable acronym of S T S W P S. The society’s funds will be distributed equally amongst its member.
Consequently, I will now be putting my effort into a number of new social initiatives. The first will be ’Beige Lives Matter’ and their sub group ’Ginger Haired Freckled People’s Lives Matter a Little Bit but Not Very Much‘. These are desperately needed to enlighten the world that not everything is as black and white as mainstream media paints it and as we might pretend to believe.
Another social ill that desperately needs to be addressed is the proliferation of highly embarrassing political slogans. Last Sunday, very much against my will, I was visually assaulted by bill boarded faces beaming positivity but vacantly out at the passing world and sharing their smug fixed smiles with me. They then instructed me to vote for them. I suppose I shouldn’t expect anything less in this narcissistic age but it is not the shameless self-promotion that is the worst of it. It is the inane slogans that accompany the self-adulation.
I either had to read them or drive with my eyes closed. Much like my past voting history, I chose the lesser of the two evils but then reconsidered and opened my eyes anyway.
The first billboarded head that invaded my peace of mind was the, as always, immaculately groomed Winston. I have done many stupid things in my life and one of the stupidest was voting for Winston. I’m sorry about it. I really am but at the time I knew that Winston had intimate knowledge of the extent of the council-facilitated fraud that had been perpetrated on the people of Kaipara. I thought that possessing this knowledge he would do something about it if elected. Somehow I forgot that he was a politician. Once elected he was, much like his face on the billboard, profoundly silent on the subject. “Back your Future” is their slogan. I have, I think, a reasonable grasp of the English language. It is, however, insufficient to comprehend what this could possibly mean. Unless of course it is simply nonsense. Which I suspect is actually the case.
The next was a pleasant blue sign which seemed to take a scattergun approach on empty promises. The list included more jobs and a better economy. I wondered why they left out gingerbread houses and flying pigs. Perhaps there was too little space on the sign. Judith Collins is once again ahead of all the other politicians and is lying to us right from the start instead of waiting until the debates begin like everybody else.
Another mile down the road and another smiling idiot. Is it really a smile or are they laughing at us? “Let’s keep moving” is the slogan of our current minority party leader when, only a few short months ago, she was telling us all to stop moving and stay home. Under her management, she has certainly made the economy move – rapidly backwards into a recession that is fast accelerating towards a depression. Let’s keep moving? No thanks that is movement of the sort we really don’t need. Perhaps we should remember that even dead animals continue convulsing until they have properly bled out.
I am still hoping to see a billboard that will actually give me a real reason to vote for any of them other than nice teeth.
So far their electioneering is incompetent meaningless rubbish. A fair reflection of their skill at running our country.
All of the above have been tried, all have been found wanting. If I vote for anyone at all it will be for someone new. Billy T K or the Conservatives. These have yet to prove their incompetence.
I have almost decided not to vote at all this time around. Voting only seems to encourage them and that is the last thing we need. If instead of a referendum on cannabis and killing old people, we had one on disbanding the public service and telling the politicians to leave us alone, go home to their families and plant a garden (or do something, anything else that actually contributes to society and the public good), I reckon we’d get a record turnout. As for those who insist that if you don’t vote you can’t complain: when we repeal the tax laws and I am no longer forced to financially support these bludgers, I’ll happily shut up.
I’d like to do a deal with them. I’ll leave them alone if they leave me alone. I‘d vote for that. What are the chances?
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