The Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern sat down with The Woke Examiner over high tea to have a conversation about her No-policies policy.
From the outset, It was obvious to The Woke Examiner, Jacinda was still on a high after her triumphant conference last Saturday. “Everyone loves me,” she said, “even Clarke – after Winston’s recent outbursts it is so nice to have a partner I can rely on.”
Over a fifth cup of tea, a cake and a doggy bag for Clarke, she explained, “certain people accuse me of having no policies but it’s patently not true, I have the No-policies policy which is basically me battling COVID on an hourly basis.”
“I have employed the best brains money can buy to help me crush COVID. Diktats such as ‘be kind’, ‘wash your hands’, ‘Easter bunny allowed’ a teddy bear in every window’, ‘say yes to the test’, costing about $3million each, is some of the world-beating, hard at work stuff, they have been delivering.”
“People can rest assured no expense is being spared for their safety. The experts are working on more catchy slogans as we speak.”
When The Woke Examiner’s assistant cub reporter pointed out they weren’t actual policies, Jacinda laughed and said, “anyone can have policies. That other party has plenty of them – they are so much better at coming up with ones that are thought out, realistic and fully costed so we can pick and choose what we want from them.”
“Anyway,” she continued, “we had that yucky year of no-delivery deliveries, so when we don’t deliver again we can sheet home the blame to that other party as it was their policies.”
Later over a final cup of tea, she ventured, “I totally reject the rumours which the other party has been putting about that I won’t be fronting for any debates. Admittedly, as I have no policies, I will be only there as an observer, and while I won’t be using my world-famous ‘aloquince’ I will be, smirking, nodding, head tilting, pulling frowny faces and waving my arms about on cue.
It will be must-watch stuff as bosom buddies John and Jessica have indicated that the other leader is going to get a good barbecuing”.
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