Information
Satire
Good morning to you all; my Coronial Subjects, it is I: Go-hard Go-early Jacinda, Queen of New Zealand, Most-efficacious Saviour of the Nation.
You will all, by now, in this time of crisis, have noticed the superb communication skills I wield in the baddle against our common enemy, and my udder determination to rid this pleasant land of private enterprise and misconceptions both.
To this end, I have been extremely clear and transparent from the get-go, and on top of things, hard and early, prepared and ready to employ both my communication barrels, yes – head-nods AND double-adjectives – in my war on pestilent truth.
Those of you, my subjects, old enough, will remember my press conference of March 4th, 2020, when I nodded so furiously to emphasise a point I loosened a filling:
Reacting to the news of a second Kung-flu victim within these shores I employed a precise word as an adjective, an old word, a word older even than the Boomers, a word derived from Veritas – my predecessor as Goddess of Truth – to describe the potential risk posed to those who came in contact with asymptomatic Kung-flu carriers, saying to the nation: not that the risk of transmitting the virus was “low”, nor did I say the risk was “very low”, you will recall I declared the risk as “very, very, low“. And that is why we are here.
I will now hand over to Basil Bush, Coordinator of Operations for the Ministry of Truth, to explain my demeaning. Thank you for understanding.
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