In these tough times, a lot of people are having to learn to sit around at home and do nothing all day with limited resources. These are going to be really challenging times for families used to busy schedules.

It is saddening that the Government has not thought to help the vast number of people who will need specialist support from specialist case managers. Perhaps, for the good of our country, we need to start the Go Home, Stay Home consultancy company?

The consultancy team will need individuals who are experienced in doing nothing. As it will be impossible to pull politicians away from the trough to fill these roles such an agency will need to find experienced individuals with the required life skills to assist in training people in the art of doing nothing – who better to advise us than the long-term unemployed!

The course will consist of several essential modules:

The BFD. Couch surfing for beginners
  • Couch surfing for beginners.
  • Basic hygiene – what not to do.
  • Dealing with WINZ – a queue jumper’s practical guide.
  • Child neglect 101.
  • Stiffing the landlord and knowing when to move.
  • Daytime drinking do’s and don’ts.
  • How to pass those pesky drug tests.
  • Helping yourself and not getting busted.
  • Identifying as IWI – what is in it for you.
  • ACC – how to feign injury.
  • Black market profiteering from home.
  • Advanced benefit fraud.

And finally for students who don’t pass; 

Navigating the District Court system.

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