I freely admit that by definition, I am one of those ‘stale white males’ we hear so much about these days. I also freely admit that I find the terminology, the title, the definition and the maliciousness of it, highly offensive. I’m sick to death of being blamed for everything that’s wrong with society because basically, I’m a good bugger and I’ve done my share – and I still do.
Like many men of my generation, I came from a ‘poor’ background that was rich with love and principle. I was taught to be considerate to others. To be a gentleman with regard to women. To be honest. I suffered through the education system. I was bullied and, thinking back, probably did my share of bullying too. If I misbehaved, it was a lucky day if all I got from my parents was a clip over the ear. Sometimes, a severe walloping with a strap ensued. I was mischievous and anti-establishment (and probably anti pretty much everything else too).
At school I was always in some kind of trouble and was regularly subjected to the strap, detentions, being kicked out of the room and in my teens was regularly bent over and whacked with a cane. Barbaric! Worse, it was often without good reason and more to do with the personality disorders of the teachers than anything I actually did.
But that was the world we grew up in. A world where we were taught to show respect for women, the elderly and for authority. A world where we got up and offered our seats to women and older folks on the bus. A world where we held doors open for others, especially women. A world where we often helped others across the road or helped Mrs Smith from down the road to carry her groceries home from the corner grocery store that no longer exists.
Today, I often get snarled at by so-called ‘feminists’ who aren’t gracious enough to say ‘thank you’ when I stand back and hold a door open for them: “I’m not helpless because I’m a woman you know!”
I’m not longing for a return to ‘the good old days’. I am tired, though, of being maligned and called deprecating names for the sake of cheap sensationalist slogans or one-liners that do nothing to move anybody or anything forward in a positive or useful way.
I’m proud to be a genuine, caring man who respects others and yes, my ‘toxic masculinity’ (if that’s what you want to call it) causes me to sometimes stand up and be counted when probably, in my own best interests, I shouldn’t.
But that’s how I grew up and like many men of my generation, I have a ‘protector’ gene that bursts into action when others are threatened.
This short video from Prager University is what prompted this post – The Borderline Bar and Grill: A Tale of Men and Masculinity by journalist Abigail Shrier