I have a friend who is a card-carrying Labour supporter. When she went through a divorce, a decade or so ago, she started dating men and had only one rule. She would not date anyone who was not a Labour voter.
I thought it was a bit odd at the time, but knowing her, it really was for the best. The arguments otherwise would probably have been monumental. Nowadays, however, this appears to be normal behaviour. She was, in fact, starting a trend.
Dating site OkCupid has pointed out that since 2016 the number of women who prioritised shared political views over enjoyable sex had doubled, a shift the company described as ‘unprecedented’.
It doesn’t matter if he is hopeless in bed, so long as he is a Democrat?
Already the proportion of Americans marrying people with the same political views has increased in recent years, from 72 per cent to 82 per cent, and will rise further because large numbers object now to family members ‘marrying out’.
While in 1960 just 5 per cent of Republicans and 4 per cent of Democrats said they’d be ‘upset’ if a child married a member of the other party, that figure is now 49 and 33 per cent respectively.
So things like a sense of humour, compassion, caring about animals or showing respect to others is becoming less important than how someone votes. Really? I am truly surprised.
This attitude is pervading into other aspects of life too.
Perhaps the most specific advert on SpareRoom is for an expensive loft room in a “stunning mews home”. The advertiser said she wanted “an easy going, open minded professional” to rent the place, while demanding the candidate is pro-choice, a requirement that could rule out tenants of certain religious identities.
She continued: “You should appreciate science – so no climate deniers or anti vaxxers. ? Worldly enough to know that there are bigger issues going on than the misery that is Brexit.”
She may want an ‘easy going open minded’ flatmate, but it would be hard to describe her as easy going and open minded herself. If I were her, I would rather have someone who was tidy and considerate and didn’t engage in loud sex all night long as a flatmate, but each to their own, I guess.
I am coming to the conclusion that these days, people are just stupid. There are much more important things to look for in a partner, or in a flatmate, than how someone votes (or how they view climate change). It shows how polarised we have all become.
The article is a British one, of course, and the polarising issue there is Brexit. It really is time to get this enormously divisive issue over and done with, once and for all. The damage it is doing to civil society in Britain is dreadful.
Here is a Facebook post from a UK friend whom I have always thought of as quite reasonable in her views. Bear in mind that it is one of the more civil ones that I could find.
But if Labour wins, the Brexit issue will drag on and on, taxes will be increased, and with a thinly disguised Communist in power, Britain will suffer like never before.
People like this friend would never have considered voting for a communist and an anti-Semite before. Such is the power of Brexit, that people seem to be losing all reason.
And, of course, the situation in the USA is no better.
This is almost certainly a growing trend; the Economist recently covered research showing that large and increasing numbers of Americans do not want to live with supporters of the opposing political party.
This “partyism” spreads into every area of life, so that since 2016 there has been a big growth in dating apps matching people based on political preferences.
Some of you will know that my husband is a socialist. He held hands and sang ‘Kumbaya’ (don’t ask) with SB at last year’s Whaleoil Christmas barbeque. He had a great day. By these standards, he should have been spitting and snarling and being hateful to everyone there. But guess what? He enjoyed himself. He still talks about it.
How do we tolerate living together? We respect each other’s views. We don’t argue about politics, and surprisingly, there are a few areas in politics where we do agree. No two people will ever agree about everything. If they are on the same page politically, they will probably have differing views about other things. It is human nature.
What we seem to be losing in this ‘woke’ world is tolerance. Think about the lady looking for a flatmate. She doesn’t want political arguments, but doesn’t mind if the new flatmate leaves his socks in the middle of the floor? Of course not. She doesn’t want any of that. She wants a mirror image of herself, and she probably will never find it.
But the gaps opened by the Brexit referendum are even worse, and getting worse; in 2016, 18 per cent of Remainers said they would be unhappy with a Leaver in-law, compared to just 3 per cent of Brexiteers. By 2019, this figure had risen to 37 per cent of Remainers, and 11 per cent of the other side.
UNHERD.
It is interesting how it is the Remainers who are the most intolerant, just as it is mostly Democrats in the US.
For a different kind of intolerance, though, and probably a much worse type, my family in the UK are Liverpudlians. They would be fine if their children married Tories, Corbynites, Brexiteers or Remainers, so long as they all supported the same football team. This was actually an issue for my niece, who got engaged to a lovely young man, who supported the other side. The ructions this caused within the family were monumental. Fortunately, the relationship prevailed, and the worth and value of the young man in question has been recognised by the rest of the family. But nobody talks about football when he is around.
This lack of tolerance for people with different views is worrying. It is all part of the world trend which shows that we are becoming polarised. At a time when we see more interracial relationships than ever, it seems the biggest issue now is politics. It is madness. Voting for Trump does not make you a bad person.
Unless you are a Democrat, of course.