I am riddled with guilt as I have to confess that one of my favourite Beatles songs is “Happiness is a Warm Gun”; a rather complex but exquisite composition on their 1968 White Album. The title never raised a peep amongst us juvenile baby boomers. I’m so grateful the Beatles showed restraint by not calling the composition “Happiness is a Cold Ice Cream”. Had they done so, a whole generation of Boomers would have perished.

We are so lucky today to have those amongst us who feel threatened by a treat which may bring a smile to our faces. Apparently food and happiness can not have an association. We can not experience happiness with a cold beer on a hot sunny day and perish the thought should we dare raise a smile after several beers on a hot sunny day. But the Armageddon of irresponsible behaviour would be the risk of happiness should we consume an ice cream with our several beers. This activity must be conducted in grim silence without emotional connection.

I don’t wish to shuffle off this mortal coil just yet but with the way society is being groomed slowly but surely into the depths of insanity, I’m rather pleased to have lived the majority of my years in an environment of common sense. This commodity “common sense” appears to have eluded today’s bureaucrats as they compete to dumb down humanity. What fool would find a sign claiming “Ice Cream Makes you Happy” a threat? But even worse, what bureaucrat would uphold this observation as legitimate? Well the Advertising Standards Authority has considered this sign as “extremely irresponsible given obesity and mental health issues in NZ”.

Might I suggest that, should the euthanasia bill become law, the grounds for ending of one’s life should be extended to include the intolerance of bureaucratic insanity. A plate of pork crackle, a cold beer followed by an ice cream would be the request for my final meal whilst listen to the Beatles’ “Happiness is a Warm Gun” in the background. Would I be happy? No, I would be ecstatic as I prepared for the Advertising Standards Authority to administer their justice. My crime? I confessed that I found happiness in ice cream.


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