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An Irishman’s first drink with his son.
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage.
I got him a Guinness. He didn’t like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny’s, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager. He didn’t. I drank it.
I thought maybe he’d like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson’s – nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland’s finest whiskey.
He wouldn’t even smell it.
What could I do but drink it?
By the time I realized he just didn’t like to drink, I was so drunk I could hardly push his stroller back home.
AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely naked.” With that, she stripped, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!”
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed: “YES! YES! I WON! I WON!”
She hugged each of the dealers, and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll ?”
The other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching the dice.”
Mick says to Paddy: “Close your curtains the next time you’re poking your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid buggers ’cause I wasn’t even home yesterday.”
Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they decide to take them to a police station.
Mick: “What if one explodes before we get there ?”
Paddy: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery.
The jury foreman came out, and announced: “Not guilty”.
“That’s grand !” shouted Reilly. “Does that mean I can keep the money ?”